I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
