Im at strip club and am horny
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
