Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
