So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
