By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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