plz talk dirty to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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