i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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