That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize