it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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