just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
