and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
