So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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