So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
