My underwear smells like fireworks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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