I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
