I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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