Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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