I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
