you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
