Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
