as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
