I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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