At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this will be a night to untag.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
