I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
