VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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