I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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