I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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