I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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