Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
