Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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