so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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