I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
