For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
