I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
