Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
