Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
