ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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