You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
