please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk is not a location!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
