Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
