Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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