Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
