Kiss
Puke
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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