I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
