My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
