Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
