I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
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i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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