They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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