Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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