the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
