In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
not ubering you a puppy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
