mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
