Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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