Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
