ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
