3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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