you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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