I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
