So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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