how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
