he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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