It's like God shit irony all over that family
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
