so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
