how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
