Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
