just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
