Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
