...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
