dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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