Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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