So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
