honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
