you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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