Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
