Sponge bath it is.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
