Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
