Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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