We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In other news, I just burned my penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
