I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
