I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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