Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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