it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
