She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
