you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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